I watched Chelsea Handlers “Chelsea Does” series and was truly inspired. And I’m thinking the whole time

whoa this shit is ill.

Like I know that weddings are a charade, and marriages can fail, but there’s something so beautiful and sweet at its core that is makes you weep in joy. I don’t know what that is like, but I want to feel that with someone one day. I want to grow old with someone. I want to have sex in the morning before the kids wake. I want to dance and argue and then make up. I want to go through my pain with someone who gets me. I want to encourage them and uplift them without rejection. This is who I want to marry. That man is somewhere. And maybe it is because I’m a romantic, maybe I watched too much Disney and evidently I keep fucking up with these men I let stick their penises in me…but fuck it. I want a partner for life and if that happens more than once I won’t be mad about it.

So she moves on to conquering the tech world. It was intriguing to see that something so simple, like concentration, takes a team of elite engineers to hone and focus on. And it made me realize both the power and limitations of the brain. It explains why these innovations are both fascinating and human. The creators of all of these products are humans. I thought it was dope that Chelsea sat next to the girl in the room. I like that she highlighted this goofy kid who she bantered with. Without knowing it (or doing it intentionally) Chelsea reminded me that women are dope and when we enter a room, in whatever vicinity we kick ass.

But then she shows us the South. Literally showing us a plantation that acts as a tourist location and resort. She attends a confederate memorial type of thing and the white folks literally reject the reality of a bad slave experience (which in itself sounds fucked up…basically they deny slavery). They make it seem as if the brutalities of slavery were either unknown or happened once in a while. Now mind you, this is South Carolina. Walter Scott, Bree Newsome, and the Redneck shop. These people have to at the very minimum be 50 years old, meaning that they were born during the 1960’s and their parents were born in the 40’s and grandparents the 1920’s. Are you kidding me? You’re cognitive dissonance is showing girl.

Chelsea picked up on something that I thought was great to highlight. There was a black man cooking across the street. He said that 50 years ago he couldn’t look at a white woman or he would have been killed. But now he can look at a white woman and said things were better. What I love is that Chelsea expressed true white rage and even asked black people, including the Walter Scott family, why they weren’t angry. What I saw in my people was a sense of humanity, a sense of dignity, a true sense of God manifested in the flesh. To witness their pain and continual strife and “make do” is astonishing and humbled me dearly.

Last she showed us drugs. Not only did she talk about her own personal drug use, she showed it in both its destruction and beauty. Talking to former addicts, experiencing drugs with friends, and watching people have revelations was dope. She took this drug called Ayahuasca and it was fucking trippy shit. I think what I thought was cool was that everyone who experienced it had a moment of clarity.

I’ve smoked pot, snorted cocaine twice, and done molly one time. I was a Coug so drinking was mandatory. I’ve smoked cigarettes a well. The hardest to kick of all of the drugs I’ve taken is cigarettes.

I think that becoming a mom made me feel like partaking in drug use was dangerous. I’m responsible for someone’s life. But I know that I have a family and friends around me who would never let me slip into something to escape reality because I was running from something. And that’s the biggest thing right? Like you can get high as fuck, drunk off your ass, yakked out but if you’re doing it to repress something that is hurting you, you’re only doing more damage. And I get it too. I was in an abusive relationship and he introduced me to heavy pot smoking. I smoked blunts daily with him and prior to had only smoked a bowl here and there. Looking back, I didn’t realize that he was in a dark place and that he was coping by smoking weed. I liked how I felt and loved the sex that followed but it wasnt real. I was drowning in sadness and trying to smoke my way through it. I think thats why it took me so long to process what had happened to me.

When Chelsea’s homegirl was crying during her ayahuasca experience she said that she was overwhelmed with how much she could love her son. She loved her son but she saw a better way to love him. I was touched and started crying too. I think as moms we are so rigid and strict with ourselves that it can hinder our emotional ties to our children. Not withstanding the fact that kids are little shits some times, but they’re our little shits and that’s enough. The crazy thing is, is that if we were honest with ourselves, we would acknowledge that we fuck up, make mistakes and sometimes reward “bad behavior”. But we’re human beings with like 16-30 years more life lived and trying to raise someone who we witnessed laugh for the first time. That’s some heavy ass shit. Dont take it too seriously, love literally conquers all in parenting.

I learned a lot about perceptions and attitudes. I think I gained a new respect for mankind and appreciated showing the glaring issues we have as human beings. We’re a hot mess and we do and use things to justify, cope, and neglect the reality of which we live in. I love that this docu-series gave me hope. We have come a long way as a species but we are stunting our growth by not healing. We have to go back to the root of marriage – how it is communal. We have to address the innovation of tech and respect our humanity in relation to it, to stop being fearful or ignorant. We have to demolish racism- but that only happens by talking about its formation and acknowledging our own humanity. Its an individual (micro) and global (macro) work for justice. We have to respect drugs – by understanding why we indulge and what we are seeking. Knowledge is power.

It has been a great 4 hours of Netflix and now I’m hungry. Ciao

 

 

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