Day 21 

Accepting my son’s disabilities were hard…

It started after his 18 month shots.

He wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t eat his favorite food (homemade chili and cornbread) didn’t play with other kids, sounded like a minion…it was strange.

His fever lasted a week and a half. He was fussy but still functioning. I couldn’t figure out what was happening. He would eat and throw up and diarrhea. I didn’t know what to do. I called the nurse and they kept telling me it was normal but when I was in the room, they told me 2 days…

What was happening?

He got worse. He wouldn’t sit, listen, respond, smile, sleep…he just wasn’t him…

I called my mama and told her to come get him. I was frustrated and angry. It was my last semester in college and I thought I was gonna lose it. She kept him for periods of time…more than I should have let. I didn’t know what was happening to my baby

I sought help.

A table of 7 white women tell me what’s wrong with my son. I don’t know how to take it. They suggest a psychological evaluation. I flat out refuse. Resources come slowly…one speech therapy session. I call my mama crying:I need to come home!

Home…me and mama ain’t lived together in 10 years. She berates me, insults me, yells at me. We fight in front of my son. He’s so used to it, he checks out.

I work in Seattle for a black female attorney. She’s a bitter woman. Jaded by life. I don’t hold it against her but she’s a real peach.

Her, my mama, my sister…it’s all fucked up. But me and chubby start occupational therapy. I cut my hours. He goes to daycare with my auntie. I get a new job. Finally the chaos has subsided.

We start making progress. He gives me kisses and hugs. He starts playing with his homies. He’s starting school.

We’ve had many bumps along the way but what helped most was housing, an increase in income, transportation, consistent therapies and support of family and friends.

My son turns 4 in July and he has grown into a rambunctious energetic and loving little boy. He has his rough moment daily but I live for the peaceful night, laughter filled afternoons and sweet mornings.

We’re getting there…


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