I was a side piece for years. E. He was dark and beautiful. Tall and made me cum for the first time. He took pleasure in hurting me too. He always had another girl. He told me he loved me, he told me I was his heart. he called me “sweets” but just like the wrapper of a candy cane, I was blown to the wind.

He had a girlfriend the entire time that we messed around. I didn’t find out until three years into it all and by that point I was all confused…we kept on messing around. I knew I should have stopped but I just couldn’t. He was my kryptonite. And no Super man could have saved me. tears and condoms everywhere.

Then there’s my ex. A. He was a bonafide asshole. He was mean but ya already know…

J…ya, he was a real peach. We met online because we had mutual friends. He used to fuck me all the time. But I didn’t mean shit to him either. I was just some bright eyed girl with a big ass that he could toy with at will. He called to tell me he was talking to someone else…he never really truly cared about me. He wanted me to eat his ass and suck dick from behind. I have my limits bruh.

Dre…ya he talked about me like a dog, but that nigga told me he loved me too.

And now there’s D. He likes his bitches white and clueless. In high school he was a real prick. He threatened me to suck his dick again. So instead I told his friend, my high school boyfriend, out of fear that that shit would come back and bite me in the ass. It did any way. He won, my boyfriend broke up with me two months later.

Ten years have gone by and now D is back. He has the same chick he was with in high school.But today…I had this moment of clarity. I went to call him back after my meeting and he let me know his “babysitter” was coming home. And I even glance down to remind myself that I have him stored as “___________ ‘s Man”. He’s not mine.

The rest of the niggas are thirsty and broke too

I had to get my shit together. I let my hot pussy and my foolish self hate cloud my judgement, becoming the most selfish version of myself. I dont have a better excuse than the truth.

I used to be embarrassed, but I cant live there any longer. I made conscious and unconscious choices to fuck up. I did not trust myself, love myself, see myself thus this was articulated in my relationships. Accepting myself for who I am, was, is, will be was more difficult than expected.

I love you so very much boo – I say to myself…pretending its someone else, but I gotta start recognizing my own voice of love…in love

I want a man. I need a man. Not because I am not adequate, but because I am more than enough. I need him to match my glow, to do a slow dance of passion and smiles. This is where my heart lies, in that hope.

Black, a plus. Tall, a plus. Financially Stable, a plus.

All I ask is that he is ready to have me and for I to receive him. I recently had to let some niggas know that I got HOPES GOALS and DREAMS. Hop on or get ghost. (ask my baby daddy bout that mouf). I know God blessed me and I want to bless others and in order to do so, I need a life partner, ready to ride and rock out.

 

We’ll see if that happens tomorrow or today.

 

“dust to side chicks…”

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