This was written November 29, 2015…..
I am having a hard time, this whole single life has been weird for me. I had a couple of boyfriends but it took me a long time to heal from the last one…he hit me, berated me and I needed time. I fucked around with another man, but he was just as broken as I was… and another….but no boyfriends.
I am ready for that now, almost 7 years later, and I think I found a suitor… but he’s confusing me.
He smiles when he sees me, runs to open the door, introduces me to his son and yet… no luck
He was tall, lanky, tattoo’s covered up…to me he was so fine. He was intelligent and smiled with all of this teeth. He was black and you knew it but he could code switch enough to justify his methods of black youth advocacy. He is a father, which really turned me on. I’m a mother and I asked God to bring me a father, a husband, a real black man.
He was all of those things. And he seemed to like me…but you ever get the feeling you’re being brushed off? Like all the right signals are there, but then they’re depleted in a moment.
I message him, it was corny but I made an attempt. He read it the same day at 3:05p.m. I dont hear anything… Monday comes, we’re at work. I run into him twice. He nods my way and nothing more. I wait patiently but Thursday comes and goes. Its been 6 days, no message back, no text, no call. Did I really expect that to happen? Fuck I shouldn’t have said partner in crime…or maybe I should have just flat out asked him out? I hate you Facebook Messenger. You are literally the devil…or maybe I’m just foolish
Let it Go
I didnt cry…but I vented about it to my sister. She’s younger than I but she’s awesome sauce. I heart her so much! Alpha agrees. He says I should just let it go and be ready to fight tomorrow. He wasn’t that cute anyways so shiiiiid.
But then, why do I feel so dumb? We never kissed, never held hands, could barely make eye contact…or maybe it was all in my head. I guess I have to let that go though. When things are meant to be, they happen. This wasnt one of those….